


Oh My Darling, There's a Heaven

by moritzofsuburbia



Category: Spring Awakening - Sheik/Sater
Genre: After the musical, Almost sexy times but not quite, M/M, There's more coming and it's gonna get angsty, idk I'm still seeing where this goes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-02
Updated: 2016-04-02
Packaged: 2018-05-30 16:19:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,921
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6431518
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moritzofsuburbia/pseuds/moritzofsuburbia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Thirty years from now? With the position they're in, they'd be lucky to get a single year together.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Ernst's POV

**Author's Note:**

> Basically, I came up with a headcanon for what happens to Hanschen and Ernst after the events of the musical, and it doesn't end happily. Chapter 2 hopefully coming soon? (Titled after a line from A Comet On It's Way, a song cut from Spring Awakening)

After they’d kissed each other past the point of no return, Ernst said, "On my way here this afternoon, I thought perhaps we'd only... talk?"

Those stammered words were a lie. As a rule, he’d always hated lying, especially to somebody he cared for – let alone someone he’d developed such strong feelings for. But what they’d just done had been too good to be true. How was he supposed to let his guard down and admit that he’d been hoping,  _ praying _ that they would do more than just talk?

Well, his guard crumbled when Hanschen began to back away, asking Ernst if he was sorry for what they’d done. And that look on his face, god, Ernst would have believed any words he said. 

And then came the confession. The words fell helplessly from his lips, much sooner than he’d intended them to. “I love you, Hanschen. As I have never loved anyone.” It was love, right? It was undoubtedly much more than the sinful lust they’d been taught was all two men could partake in together. All Ernst knew was that he loved Hanschen the way he should have loved a girl, and the love was pure and innocent as could be. If he couldn't even manage to touch  _ himself  _ in such a sinful way, how could he expect to be able to touch Hanschen like that?

Well, the touching happened much sooner than he’d thought it would, if he had thought it would happen at all. Those kisses made him melt in Hanschen’s hands, that night in the vineyard. Those hands slid over his chest, his waist, his legs – god,  _ everywhere  _ – before slipping slowly past the hem of his shirt to feel the skin beneath. Hanschen moved slowly but with a thinly veiled urgency, testing the boundaries. And when his hand began gently massaging the other boy’s inner thigh, a careless whimper passed his lips, making Hanschen hesitate and draw just slightly back. "No, it’s okay," Ernst protested, a battle taking place in his head to decide if he was committing a horrible mistake with his words. "I– I liked that."

"You’re sure, Ernst?" But his hand was already resuming the motion without giving time to answer, and that feeling paired with the way his name sounded on his tongue,  _ god _ ... 

In the end, Ernst had to make him stop. He couldn’t truthfully say he didn't regret that decision, later that night when he laid in bed alone. But the regret for what he had not done didn't stop him from dropping to my knees and praying. Praying for what must have been an hour. Praying first for forgiveness, then praying to be touched, praying for absolution, praying for that boy’s lips and hands, praying for relief in whichever form it might come, praying for an end to this torment. 

Praying, ultimately, for Hanschen. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've had about 4 chapters of this sitting in my docs for over a year, I got bored recently, changed it from 1st person to 3rd person, and now I'm posting it. Idk if anyone even still reads spring awakening fic but if u do pls enjoy this thing that I did not put very much effort into but still took me over a year to update

A few short weeks passed by in a blur of schoolwork and stolen kisses. Ernst thought that in a way, it felt terribly disrespectful – that in the gloomy aftermath of Moritz's death, the whole school stood still in quiet mourning, whilst Hanschen would sneak with him to the bathroom and draw sounds of pleasure from his lips. 

He almost could have been relieved that Hanschen decided to finally show his affection when he did. Almost. As awful as it was for Ernst to admit to himself, their relationship – if you could call it anything of the sort – provided a distraction from the guilt he couldn't help feeling about his friend's death. It had just  _ barely  _ been himself who had been held back, he knew that... he always did rather well in school, but he also knew that his grades had clearly been  _ just  _ good enough to get him into the top 60 students who could be promoted. 

He also knew that his own parents would have come to understand if he had not passed. They would have been disappointed, would have made sure their son comprehended the consequences of his failure, but they would have  _ understood _ . They would not have condemned him as terribly as Moritz's father had condemned his son, at least. Surely, Ernst could have taken the fall, and Moritz would still be sitting at his desk...

Ernst often caught himself staring at that desk during class. Such a simple object, but such an empty void in the sea of other students who sat living, breathing, learning. Growing, while Moritz would never have the chance to do so again. 

Hanschen must have noticed the look of distress on Ernst’s face that day. He never did hide his emotions very well, perhaps because he used to never have anything to hide. How quickly that had changed. "What's troubling you?" Hanschen slid his hand towards his friend’s, who in turn had to inch away and send him a warning look. While at school, the boys communicated mostly through looks. Usually, that meant Hanschen would send Ernst a smirk that conveyed that he wanted to do something with him – or  _ to  _ him – and Ernst would respond with a chastising expression that told him to wait until they were alone. Sometimes he’d give a little smile or sometimes he'd blush. Unless they were fully alone, no words about anything that truly mattered ever passed their lips. 

Ernst gave a little shake of my head, quick to try and shrug off the bad feelings before Hanschen questioned him further. "Nothing, nothing’s troubling me. Do you understand our Latin assignment?

"Is that your way of asking if we can study together  tonight ?"

He couldn't stop the impulse to glance around to see who might be able to hear the conversation. The only one possibly within earshot was Georg, and he wouldn't care about whatever private conversations might be going on around him, but even still... What if someone should notice the mere fact that the shy, reserved Ernst was talking to Hanschen? The latter enjoyed flirting with both girls and boys, that was no secret, in fact it was something of an inside joke to the class – but if anyone got any idea that there was more than just joking flirtation happening... It wouldn't be so funny to them anymore. It would be real, and it would be something that somebody could get into serious trouble for. 

He was broken out of his thoughts when he felt a light touch on his chin – Hanschen's thumb and forefinger gently returned Ernst’s head to its previous position to meet his eyes. He had the expression of a frightened animal. 

"You're so distracted, Ernst, you need to take your mind off things. Maybe studying  tonight is a good idea." That smile on his face would have appeared innocent to someone who didn't know any better. "You know, Ernst, my parents like you. I heard them talking about us, saying you’re a good influence on me." The smile began to show the faintest hints of becoming a smirk. "What do you think about that?"

Ernst’s eyes darted away periodically, unable to hold the other’s gaze. He never could, not when he was so close or when he was being so suggestive. "That might be true," he pondered aloud, "but has my good influence been undone by the bad influence that you have on me?"

"Now, there's the question." Unexpectedly, he leaned closer, his arm trapping the other boy. In his chest, Ernst’s heart began to pound furiously, with too much excitement and not enough precaution. “Either way, you’ll come over to study with me after school, won’t you?”

\-----

Maybe it was the fact that they had to try so hard to be quiet which made the situation even more thrilling. Every whispered word from Hanschen’s parted lips, every gasp in between their kisses made Ernst’s heart practically flutter.

"What if they–"

"They won't."

"They'll hear–" 

"They will if you keep talking. Don't you have better things to be doing with that mouth?" Ernst’s eyes widened at his bluntness, until he cracked a smile and continued, "I meant kissing me, get that dirty mind of yours out of the gutter. Unless of course that's what you were thinking of doing?" Ernst’s lips quickly cut him off before he could continue. He was learning to become more bold.

So preoccupied with Hanschen’s lips against his own, Ernst hardly noticed he was suddenly lying back against the pillows, until he felt the kisses trail down his jawline. 

It seemed Hanschen found new places to touch and kiss every time they had one of these encounters. One of the first things Ernst noticed was the delicious light-headed feeling caused by his friend’s lips sucking at the place where his shoulder met his neck. This time, it was the hands trailing down his chest that he noticed. Subconsciously he longed for them to dip lower. Or maybe it wasn't such a subconscious desire anymore. Hard to tell when all he could focus on was getting as close to him as possible. 

Sometimes, Ernst would do something that would make Hanschen laugh, and he would shyly back off before realizing that it meant Hanschen found whatever made him laugh to be endearing. Ernst would get a bold streak and tug him closer by his lapels, or run his hand through his blond hair, fingers gently grazing his scalp. All he could do was drink him in, and a few times he nearly blurted out something along those lines before realizing how ridiculous it would sound coming from his lips. Hanschen was the one who did things like this, Ernst never had been. 

_ Oh god, what is Hanschen Rilow doing to me? _


	3. Chapter 3

Picture a house. Nothing too extravagant, something small and quiet, on the countryside. Picture the sky turning a dusty pink as the sun sets. You can hear the songs of the birds turn to the chirping of crickets, and even the hooting of owls if you're quiet enough to listen. 

These were the images that Ernst liked to conjure for Hanschen through his words, on nights when they laid side by side in one of each other’s beds, and nothing but night seemed to stretch out in front of them. They were having one of those nights now – Ernst was worn out and tired from exertion, but still had just enough energy to whisper to his love all the thoughts that ran through his head with the freedom that the night's darkness offered. Hanschen enjoyed hearing what went on in that head of his, and his fingers played idly with his hair as he listened. 

"And we'd watch the way the sun would set... It's the same every night, but at the same time, it's not, isn't that true? How is it that one never tires of watching the colors of a sunset?"

"We would certainly never tire of it." Hanschen smiled, lost in the imaginings of an impossible future. "And when you could no longer see the tiniest glimmer of sunlight, I'd kiss your cheek and lead us back inside. We'd sleep right by each other's side all through the night and not have to wake up early in the morning for school. We could spend the entire day in bed together if we so desired."

Ernst smiled, a small content smile that could make one think of a rainbow after a storm. A soft exhale followed that smile. "God, I want that, I... I want you." 

The words sounded so sweet coming from his lips, and Hanschen knew he meant them in the most innocent way. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> boop de doop


End file.
